ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

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Short And Dirty Jokes ---------------------

Topic: adult

Short and Dirty Jokes ---------------------

Did you see Roman Polanski's new movie? Close Encounters With The Third Grade. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women sky divers wear tampons? So they won't whistle on the way down. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school? A f***ing know-it-all. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know why birds are so ugly? You'd be ugly too if your pecker were in the middle of your face. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "My marriage is on the rocks again. wife just broke up with her boyfriend!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How does a blonde hold her liquor? By the ears. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? Because as soon as they're on their backs, their legs open. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How is a blonde like a frying pan? You have to get them hot before you put in the meat. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between meat and fish? If you beat your fish it dies........ ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What does Clinton say after sex? "Hillary, I'll be home in 10 minutes." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How many fags does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to change the bulb, and six to shriek, "Faaaaaaaaabulous!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What does an elephant use for a vibrator? An epileptic pygmy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How did the Polock get a headache getting a drink of water? The toilet lid fell on his head. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are pubic hairs curly? You'd poke your eye out if they weren't! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell when you enter a gay church? Only half the congregation are on their knees. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "I don't care who your father is, you drop that cross one more time and you're out of the parade!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye damn near killed him! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know why Santa Clause doesn't have any children? Because, he only comes once a year and then it's down a chimney. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How many people from California does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Yo mamma's so fat, before God said "Let there be light," he said "Move your fat ass!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But they have to be very, VERY, small! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through that thing?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The two most famous Black women in history: Aunt Jemima & Mother Fucker! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the most confusing day in Harlem? Father's day. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the first signs of AIDS? A stiff pounding in the ass. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A recent survey shows there are over 10,000 battered women in St. Louis County, and all this time we've been eating them raw! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between Hugh Grant and a common criminal? When a criminal gets caught, he pays for it. When Hugh pays for it, he gets caught. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Two dogs had chased a third dog for hours in the hot sun. Dog 1: Ain't this a bitch? Dog 2: It sure as hell better be! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a man in Montana with six sheep? A Pimp! -----------------------------------------------------------------------

ALPHA v0.3