ALPHA v0.3

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The Requirements For Being A Male In The 90'S

Topic: adult

The Requirements for Being a MALE in the 90's:

1) Habitually Horny- The 90's male is open about his desires and impulses. Is not afraid to make a complete fool of himself in order to possibly jump his/her/its bones. He sometimes utilizes too little tact resulting in #3.

2) Can Realistically Envision Self With Any Being of His Choosing- The 90's male walks around the campus/town/city/park/morgue(?) and can seriously visualize having sexual relations with any person or thing of his choosing. Thinks that other beings really notice him, but are too shy to approach him. Often seen in pairs or groups making various gestures about said visualized being, sometimes followed by shouts and laughter along the lines of, "There is NOOOO way, Man! Ha ha ha ha..."

3) Can Make Self Appear The Ass Without Trying- The 90's male, in a fit of sheer determination, can walk right up to the visualized being and make his introduction/proposition without a hint of nervousness... reacts badly when the propositioned being laughs at his audacity and walks off. Reacts even worse when the subpoena arrives.

4) Does Not Need Anyone- The 90's male does not need anyone except himself. He is totally self reliant and proud of his person in general. He does laundry when his underwear tries to walk off without him and washes dishes whenever the mold forms on the Chinet fine dinnerware. Also has been seen keeping some kind of old sports car cleaner and more in shape than his toothbrush. Has been known to re-use condoms after cleaning.

5) Does Not Just Watch Sports On the Television- The 90's male is keen to DO every sport he watches whether he is affluent in that sport or not. The 90's male need exercise like the 80's and 70's male did, but it is interesting to note that the 50's male can outplay the 90's male generally 4:1, but only if 5 matches are played, if more are played, then the ration is for 'n' matches- n:1, in favor of the 50's male.

Being a 90's male is not all that bad. We know that other males feel as we do. Males know their desires are shared by others of the male species, but still cannot act upon them. They are better feed and paid, but at the expense being afflicted with a bald patch... Enter Hair Club for Men.

P.S.- Real 90's males don't like Cy Sperling.

ALPHA v0.3