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Ap Online Ap 0508 1008 Est V743 Copyright 1995. All Rights

Topic: barney

AP Online AP 05/08 10:08 EST V743 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead; including Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend, room-mate, and lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New York City Police SWAT teams have surrounded the building. Stay tuned for updates on this situation, as they occur.


AP Online AP 05/08 11:48 EST V743 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at this hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City Police. Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame Street Muppet on the scene, reports that as police stormed the five story tenement building where the bird was holding Maria hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird in a hail of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no information available concerning Maria.

***NEWS UPDATE*** AP Online AP 05/08 13:25 EST V246 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemist, have reportedly found Angel Dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed by Police earlier today after the bird went on a killing spree on Sesame Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has survived unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prairie Dawn (a friendly, pig-tailed muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-can dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous gay paper clip collector and pigeon friend). Authorities in the area report that the bad seed was purchased at the local Hooper's.

***NEWS UPDATE*** AP Online AP 05/08 14:03 EDT V543 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans to stay away from Sesame Street today as tensions are running high among the muppets. Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the police handled the hostage situation. According to bystanders on the scene at the time, Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed to talk Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with deadly results. Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss of his good buddy Bert. ***LATEST ON THE SESAME STREET CRISIS***

AP Online AP 05/09 07:12 EST V927 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Sesame Street last night. As thousands of humans driving home took a sightseeing tour of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets became enraged. Hundreds of muppets, large and small, stalked the streets and surrounded humans in their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a motorist from his car and beat him with large, Styrofoam numbers. Police again arrived on the scene in force. At this hour, quiet is restored -- but tensions are very high.

***NEWS UPDATE*** AP Online AP 05/09 08:43 EST V211 Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to Sesame Street. Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are looting Hooper's Store and firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, and storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the ground. Muppets are taunting firemen and police from windows high above the street with counting and alphabet songs.


AP Online AP 05/10 07:06 EST V482 Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The morning fog has brought an eerie calm to Sesame Street after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street, lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute testament of the night of wild outrage. Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death by Police in full riot gear. Here and there, a muppet--still animated with life--can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping vacantly at the rubble. The Count was reported running down the street crying and yelling, "Ten, Ten Lifeless Muppet Bodies!" No humans were killed in the rioting, although several people reported rug-burns.


AP Online AP 05/11 11:35 EST V335 Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass muppet funeral.

The following is the complete transcript of his address:

I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by millions throughout the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His paper-clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders. Just one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Sesame Street for the muppet vote, it was Bert who everyone turned to for advice. It was Bert who told us all, "Anyone who can hang as many paper clips together as Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country." I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature. His large size and bright color alarmed many who first met him, but it was his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to memorialize him, with violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures to "just get along" with each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but is wasn't his fault. It was just some bad seed.

AP Online AP 05/25 11:35 EST V405 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) - Police have today announced a breakthrough in the Sesame Street Seed Scandal. Witnesses reported seeing a large purple creature leaving Hooper's Store shortly before Big Bird's weekly seed shopping trip. Police say the suspect is a 6' 3" Purple reptilian creature. They warn the public not to attempt to apprehend the suspect, as he is known to have hypnotic powers.

AP Online AP 05/28 15:15 EST V440 Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.

NEW YORK (AP) - Police have made an arrest in connection with the Sesame Street Seed Scandal. Barney, the purple dinosaur, was arrested in his dressing room this afternoon. Police claim the suspect confessed to the crime, saying "I want to be number One in children's minds". As Barney was being placed into the police cruiser, witnesses reported him as singing, "I love you, You love me, I just want to make money".

ALPHA v0.3