ALPHA v0.3

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What The Professor Says (What The Professor Really Means)

Topic: college

What the Professor Says (What the Professor Really Means)

You'll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. (I used it as a grad student.)

If you follow these few simple rules, you'll do fine in the course. (If you don't need any sleep, you'll do fine in the course.)

The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important. (I don't understand the details either.)

Various authorities agree that... (My hunch is that...)

The answer to your question is beyond the scope of this class. (I don't know.)

You'll have to see me during my office hours for a thorough answer to your question. (I don't know.)

In answer to your question, you must recognize that there are several disparate points of view. (I really don't know.)

Today we are going to discuss a most important topic. (Today we are going to discuss my dissertation.)

Unfortunately, we haven't the time to consider all of the people who made contributions to this field. (I disagree with what roughly half of the people in this field have said.)

We can continue this discussion outside of class. (1. I'm tired of this - let's quit. 2. You're winning the arguement - let's quit.)

Today we'll let a member of the class lead the discussion. If will be a good educational experience. (I stayed out too late last night to prepare a lecture.)

Any questions? (I'm ready to let you go.)

The implications of this study are clear. (I don't know what it means either, but there'll be a question about it on the test.)

The test will be 50-questions, multiple choice. (The test will be 60-questions, multiple guess, plus three short-answer questions (1000 words or more) and no one will score above 55%.)

The test scores were generally good. (Some of you managed a C+.)

The test scores were a little below my expectations. (Where was the party last night?)

Some of you could have done better. (Everyone flunked.)

Before we begin the lecture for today, are there any questions about previous material? (Has anyone opened the book yet?)

According to my sources... (According to the guy who taught this class last year...)

It's been very rewarding to teach this class. (I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.)

This needs some minor revision. (I never actually got around to reading this.)

My office hours are by appointment only. (I like to get out of here early.)

Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. (I'll be fudging your grades.)

This won't be on the test. (Nap time!)

Bring the text to class. (I don't have a clue how to lecture--we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.)

Talk to the department secretary. (Get lost.)

Talk to me in my office after class. (Get out of my face.)

The tests will all be multiple-choice. (I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.)

Don't come in late during my lecture. (I have the attention span of a fruit fly.)

Save your questions until the end. (See above.)

The final will be comprehensive. (I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.)

Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. (This course is outside my specialty--I'll just bluff it and let YOU teach.)

There are two TAs available to help you. (I can't be bothered.)

This year I'll be scaling the grades. (I just passed tenure review.)

Let's break up into quiet discussion groups. (I have a hangover.)

Let's have class outdoors today! (I had beans for lunch.)

You won't be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. (My contract wasn't picked up.)

Please note the last day to withdraw. (The midterm's gonna suck.)

The answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17. (I only got around to making up the test last night.)

The second list is optional reading. (I have a rich fantasy life.)

I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. (The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.)

Well, it was on the syllabus. (I'll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.)

We'll just skip the term paper this semester. (There wasn't enough in the budget for a TA.)

Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam. (See above.)

Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. (I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise.)

Read chapters 5 through 10. (I'm not coming in at all next week.)

We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. (I screwed up the lecture schedule.)

Let's go over the exam. (Half of you failed.)

It was in the textbook. (I pulled it out of thin air.)

I'm postponing today's exam. (There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.)

Don't write on the question sheet. (I'm so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.)

ALPHA v0.3