ALPHA v0.3

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Holiday Assistant - North Pole

Topic: holidays

Holiday Assistant - North Pole

$11.01/Hr plus shift differential

Filing deadline: 12/23/99


Select candidate must be available for international travel, holiday and night work; be physically able to lift heavy packages over shoulder; and possess a sleigh to perform work assignment.


Make list and check it twice. Identify and deliver packages to proper recipients by way of reindeer- powered airborne sleigh. Supervise 100 unruly elves in the production of requested items. Disperse and maintain holiday spirit when faces with turbulent weather and physical demands of riding reindeer sleigh over 10,000 miles to accommodate 4 billion people in 16 hours.


Skill to determine who's naughty and nice, sleeping and waking bad or good, for goodness sake; skill to establish cooperative working relationships with elves and gnomes; knowledge of proper diet and training required for flying reindeer; ability to consume approximately 1 billion cpus of lukewarm coca/milk and similar amounts of stale, leftover cookies; skill to decipher correspondence written in crayon; skill to quickly maneuver down chimneys or other available means; skill in "ho, ho, hoing" while simultaneously shaking belly.


Heavy, white facial growth; rosy red cheeks.

ALPHA v0.3