ALPHA v0.3

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Why Is Beer Better Than Women?

Topic: men-women

Why Is Beer Better Than Women?

You can enjoy beer all month long.

Beer stains wash out.

You don't have to wine and dine beer.

Your beer will wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.

When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

Beer is never late.

A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

Hangovers go away.

When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

Beer never has a headache.

You don't have to drive a beer home in the morning.

A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.

If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

A beer always goes down easy.

You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.

You can share a beer with your friends.

You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.

Beer is always wet.

Beer doesn't demand equality.

You can have a beer in public.

A frigid beer is a good beer.

If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.

You can have two (or more) different beers the same night (or even at the same time) and no one will complain.

You can finish with a beer in as much or as little time as you like. You can even stop halfway through without having to apologize.

Compared to a woman, beer actually tastes good.

A beer will never come at you will a fillet knife after you've done with it and are sleeping it off.

You can fall asleep halfway through and a beer won't hate you in the morning.

Beer labels come off without a fight.

After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents.

A beer won't get upset if come home with beer on your breath.

A beer doesn't care when you come.

A beer won't make you sit through the ice skating competition.

A beer won't ask dumb questions like "what's a luge."

A beer will sit through the whole USA vs. France hockey game on Sunday without asking when it will be over.

You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

Beer always comes in multiples of six

Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left

You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer

After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle

A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty

When your beer is gone, you just pop another

You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod

Beer looks the same in the morning

Beer doesn't look you up in a month

Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in

Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids

Beer doesn't get cramps

Beer doesn't have a mother

Beer doesn't have morals

Beer doesn't go crazy once a month

Beer always listens and never argues

Beer labels don't go out of style every year

Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles

Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet

Beer doesn't demand legality

Beer is never overweight

Beer won't run off with your credit cards

Beer doesn't have a lawyer

Beer doesn't need much closet space

Beer can't give you herpes or other nasty things

Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive

Beer never changes it's mind

Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get

Beer never asks you to change the station

Beer doesn't make you go shopping

Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass

Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks

Big, fat beers are nice to have

Beer doesn't pout or play games

Beer NEVER says no

Beer never complains when you take it somewhere

Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers

Beer doesn't wear a bra

Beer doesn't mind getting dirty

Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity

Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper

Beer doesn't live with its mother

Beer doesn't blow you off

Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners

Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry

Beer doesn't mind football season

Beer won't make you go to church.

Beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.

Beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.

A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".

A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of other beers around.

Beer is never late.

A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".

If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.

A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson".

A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.

A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.

A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.

If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.

A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.

A beer won't smoke in your car.

A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.

A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.

A beer is always ready to leave on time.

A beer never fishes for compliments.

If you take a beer out of the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape".

A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.

An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.

A beer won't think the Circle Jerks are gross just because they're called the Circle Jerks. (They _are_ gross, but that's not why).

A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.

A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Playboy "just for the articles". (You _are_ lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it).

A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.

A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse "but I saved a quarter!"

A beer will "never" make you go to a Swedish movie.

A beer will "never" make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.

A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".

A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.

When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn't make you ill.

You don't have to say "I love you" to a beer.

You don't have to impress a beer.

You don't have to see your beer every night.

Beer goes on sale.

ALPHA v0.3