ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

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Everyday I Give Thanks To God

Topic: men-women

Everyday I give thanks to God

I was born a man instead of a broad

When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV

I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee

I go to a barber, not a beauty salon

Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on

Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts

I use my turn signal, I understand sports

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons

Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john

I don't throw a fit when I break a nail

I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale

I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror

I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer

I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass

I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

Let me tell you ladies

Listen to me ladies

I love those things inside of your blouse

I love your pretty faces

Your warm and soft embraces

But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house

I don't spend hours getting ready for a date

I don't play with dolls unless they inflate

When someone asks me my age, I never lie

After sex in bed, my spot's always dry

I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines

I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans

I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie

This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

ALPHA v0.3