ALPHA v0.3

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From Infomicrosoft.Com (Ministry Of Truth)

Topic: microsoft

From: info@Microsoft.COM (Ministry of Truth)

REDMOND, Wash. -- April 1, 1995 -- Microsoft Corporation today announced that its Board of Directors approved a 3-for-2 employee split. All Microsoft employees will undergo binary fission, thus doubling the workforce. Managers will receive one additional employee for every two current employees working on the record date of April 5, 1999. Fractional employees will be made into hamburger to be served at the fine Microsoft cafeterias.

Shareholders must approve an amendment to the Company's Certificate of Incorporation to authorize the genetic engineering necessary to effect the employee split. A special meeting of shareholders will be held on April 3, 1999 for that purpose.

"Our decision to declare this employee split reflects the Company's continuing desire to broaden our employee base, while at the same time not requiring any additional allocation of funds to payroll. And besides, some of those fractional developers will make a tasy burger!" said Bill Gates, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer.

As of March 27, 1999, Microsoft had approximately twenty thousand employees. Upon completion of the split, that number will increase to approximately thirty thousand, with over a thousand tons of spare meat being allocated to the cafeterias. The new employees would begin work on or about April 10, 1999, and the new burgers will become available at approximately the same time.

ALPHA v0.3