ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Subject Real Programmers (2)

Topic: programming

Subject: Real programmers (2)

Real programmers would rather use a bank of toggle switches and read a row of LED's then use such encumbersome devices as keyboards & CRTs to talk to computers.

Real Programmers patch binaries rather than recompile.

Real programmers punch up their object decks using 029 multipunch. (That is for production decks; test runs are entered directly with the engineer's console switches; btw ODT systems are for sissies)

What the hell are all these 'real programmers' doing submitting news articles? They should be off in some corner hacking FORTRAN.

But real programmers are on every mailing list there is and spend the first six hours of each 18 hour workday reading their mail and sending off-hand suggestions to Unix-Wizards and Info-Micro, and writing page long editorials for SF-Lovers, Poly-Sci, and ArmsD.

Real Programmers don't go for all the overhead of patching binaries, Real Programmers patch memory directly.

Real Programmers do AI in assembly language.

Real Programmers do number crunching in InterLisp on a Z-80 with 4K bytes memory.

Real Lisp Programmers never use SETx or PROGx and rely totally on side effects.

Real Programmers don't use decimal....

Real programmers think in hex and can program their machines without resorting to assemblers or high-level languages.

Real Programmers Don't Use Fortran, Either!

Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck.

Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.

Real programmers don't waste time recompiling; they patch the binary files.

Real programmers don't waste time patching binary files; they patch memory.

Real programmers on EMAS always patch memory; that IS the binary file!

This won't be understood by UNIX freaks; the EMAS filing system is too simple for them to comprehend.

ALPHA v0.3