ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Winders 98

Topic: regional

Winders 98

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 Wheel Drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right

cancel = hail no

reset = awa shoot

yes = shore

no = Naaaa

find = hunt-fer it

go to = over yonder

back = back yonder

help = hep me out here

stop = ternit off

start = crank 'er up

settings = sittins

programs = stuff that does stuff

documents = stuff I done did

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98 (Alabama version):

tiperiter =>> A word processor

colering book =>> a graphics program

addin mershene =>> calculator

outhouse paper =>> notepad

jupe-box =>> CD Player

iner-net =>> Microsoft Explorer

pichers =>> A graphics viewer

IRS =>> M/S accounting software

coon dog =>> American kennel club records

fishin =>> Bass Anglers Sportsman Society

NRA =>> National Rifle Association

shot gun =>> Remington Arms price list

raffel =>> Winchester price list

pistel =>> Smith & Wesson price list

truck =>> Ford & Chevrolet dealers in AL

house =>> Nearest Mobile home repair service

core network =>> Used Car listing for AL

cuzzins =>> family history usually a 1kb file

tax records =>> usually an empty file

shells =>> ammunition inventory

bud =>> list of Budweiser dealers in AL

rasin =>> NASCAR racing schedule

Parts =>> nearest Junk yard by zip code

doc =>> veterinarians in AL

thesaurus =>> Barney's home page

spell check =>> Physicians visit schedule

highlight =>> Chandelier outlets

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition of Windows 98. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

ALPHA v0.3