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Pope Jokes

Topic: religion

Pope Jokes

One of the earliest Polish Pope jokes concerned his election. Do you know how the college of Cardinals selected the new Pope? They took a poll. In a variant, the cardinals convene and one of them says, "Let's take a poll," whereupon the Polish cardinal yells, "l accept."

Another joke that circulated widely within the first day or two of the announcement of the Pope's election was: Did you hear what the Pope's first big decision was? To wallpaper the Sistine chapel.

In a later joke, they asked the Polish Pope whether he thought priests should marry. His response: "Only if they're in love."

An early joke that exemplified the alleged propensity for blundering ineptitude was: Did you hear about the new Pope's first miracle? He made a lame man blind. Variant answers include: He made a cripple blind, He made a blind man lame, He made a blind man walk and a lame man see, and He turned a blind man deaf. There are other Polish Pope miracle jokes, for example, He turned wine into water, and He cured a ham.

Did you hear the new Polish Pope's opening prayer? "Hail Mary full of Grace, the dago came in second place."

The new Pope called his mother and said, "Mama, l have good news and bad news for you. What do you want to hear first?" she says, "Son, first let your mama hear the good news." "I've been named Pope, mama!" he exclaimed. "Wonderful, my son. I'm so proud of you!" Her voice dropped. But what's the bad news?" Mama, he said, "l have to live in an Italian neighborhood."

The Italian-Polish rivalry is also reflected in, Did you hear that the Pope got a new helicopter? You see, the old one went "wop, wop, wop, wop." Do you know what the new one will sound like? "P-lock, P-lock, P-Iock, P-lock." This is clearly an update of the older joke, How to tell a Polish car? Its wheels go "po-Iack, po-lack, po-lack."

ALPHA v0.3