ALPHA v0.3

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Why Is There No Channel One?

Topic: science

Why is there no channel one?

A long time ago, when the world was new, God created 20 channels. Channels are small creatures, very slow to mature, and thus very difficult to breed. Normally nearly invisible, they generally pass their time running around, blaring noise, broadcasting drivel and when something bad happens they gather around and scream "SPECIAL REPORT" and "EMERGENCY BROADCASTS" God thought these creatures were necessary, so when Noah was loading the animals onto the ark (pre-flood time, as you know), God directed him to find all of the channels, and get them onto the ark as well as two of every other creature.

As you very well know, channels are always changing, and often go by network names (ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox) which makes them very difficult to find, especially considering the fact that Noah had a short time schedule. So Noah devised the perfect scheme to find all the channels at once. Noah committed a hideous crime. He was immediately surrounded by 19 channels jumping up and down and yelling "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special report". Noah caught the ghostlike creatures and brought them onto the ark. He then put them into a cage so they wouldn't run loose on the ark and create havoc (they compel humans to watch their "broadcasts", and Noah & his sons had better things to do with the flood coming).

After getting them into the cage, it began to rain, and rain, and rain, and rain. What with all the paperwork and inventorying the animals and everything, it wasn't until the 5th day before Noah realized that he was missing some animals, the unicorn, the dragon, and Channel number 1. Of course, by that time it was too late, so the world will never know the mindless drivel of Channel 1.

ALPHA v0.3