ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Windows 95 - The Right Choice

Topic: windows

Windows 95 - The right choice

Newest propaganda campaign from Redmond

So you've all heard of OS/2 Warp. Here's why Windows 95 is the right operating system for you:

Enhanced error handling:

Over the past 12 months, MicroSoft has been working intensively on the bugs inherent in Windows 3.1. The result: an advanced operating system with greatly enhanced bugs. All of the Windows 3.1 bugs are present in Windows 95, and run faster than ever. We have also introduced a range of new bugs never before seen in an operating system of this type. Whether you are a professional programmer, a casual user, or a game player, Windows 95 offers a larger range of bugs than any other operating system on the market.

32-bit Memory Management:

Windows 95 offers full 32-bit management of 16 bit memory. After a considerable amount of work, the familiar "General Protection Fault" is nowhere to be seen. The GPF has been replaced by two significantly improved errors:

"Specific Protection Fault" - used to corrupt an individual 16-bit process.

"Global Protection Fault" - this powerful memory management facility will allow a corrupt process not only to corrupt all other running processes, but corrupt processes on all other machines within a five-mile radius. Even now we are developing "pre-emptive" memory management, which will be able to corrupt processes which are not yet running.

Threaded Multi-Tasking:

The cooperative multi-tasking found in Windows 3.1 has now been replaced with the far more powerful "uncooperative multi-tasking". This enhancement will allow several processes to crash simultaneously. Our new crash protection facility greatly enhances the multi-tasking environment. Should one process fail, the CPF will prevent this process from being disturbed by other cleanly running processes. The multi-threading environment allows one process to generate multiple errors, while still remaining separate from other threads.

Time Saving Abilities:

Everyone has had their system crash whilst editing a document that had not yet been saved. Re-entering the lost data can be frustrating and time-consuming. Windows 95 eliminates this problem by causing processes to crash much earlier, significantly reducing data loss.

So, anyone can see why Windows 95 offers greater power at a greater price than any other operating system available today. So, when choosing your next operating system, remember our motto:

Windows 95 - Tomorrow's Bugs, Today.


This document is not a product of MicroSoft Corporation (duh, the spelling is too good anyway). None of the material contained within has been derived from beta-testing of Windows 95 (call it a sort of educated guess). It is for amusement purposes only, so if you don't find it funny, feel free not to laugh.

ALPHA v0.3