ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Dear Consumers

Topic: windows

Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside Brooklyn.

If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.

It reads: "WINDAS 98," with a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start the program, instead of the usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear the theme from the Godfather. It is also shipped with a Sopranos screen saver.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Bedford Stuyvesant."

My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computer."

The Inbox is referred to as "The Trunk."

Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out."

Dial up Networking is called "The Bar."

Control Panel is known as the "The Bosses."

Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancing the family

business" and will actually maximize the program instead of shutting it down.

Hard Drive is referred to as "The BQE Rush Hour."

Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna friggin' believe this!" pops up.


OK =>> Sure ting

Cancel =>> Fugetaboutit

Reset =>> Start Ova

Yes =>> Yeah

No =>> Nah

Find =>> Put a contract out on

Browse =>> Get a looksee

Back =>> U turn

Help =>> (Help is not available - yous don't need no stinking help)

Stop =>> Knock it off

Start =>> Move it!

Settings =>> Here's the Rules

Also note that any voice recognition software run on the BROOKLYN EDITION platform does not recognize the letter "R."

Some programs and other accessories that are exclusive to WINDAS 98:

Typa =>> A word processing program

Printa =>> Printer

Calculata =>> Calculator

Solitare =>> Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Yous got a problem wit dat?

ALPHA v0.3