ALPHA v0.3

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56 Ways To Be Annoying

Topic: g-rated

56 Ways to be Annoying

1. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

2. Drum on every available surface.

3. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for

4. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

5. Ask 800 operators for dates.

6. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

7. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

9. Set alarms for random times.

10. =Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public

11. consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip...

12. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

13. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

14. Honk and wave to strangers.

15. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

18. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal machine Music".


20. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

21. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

22. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

23. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

24. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

25. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

26. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

27. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

28. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

29. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

30. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

31. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

32. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

33. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

34. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

35. Drive half a block.

36. Name your dog "Dog".

37. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

38. Ask people what gender they are.

39. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

40. Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

41. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

42. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

43. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

44. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

45. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

46. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

47. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

48. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

49. Ask to "interface" with someone.

50. Sing along at the opera.

51. Mow your lawn with scissors.

52. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

53. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

54. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook... something about "psychological profiles".

55. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

56. Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

ALPHA v0.3