ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

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Topic: g-rated


There is a man in this town who is so tall he has to stand on a ladder to shave himself. In fact, he has to get on his knees just to put his hands in his pockets. When he was born he was so big it was impossible to name all of him at once. He has a son who is growing so fast his shadow can't keep up with him. Nor can his clothes. One day his head grew three inches through the top of his hat.

There is a man nearby whose feet are so large that when it rains he lies down and uses them as umbrellas. And when the sun is too hot, he does the same thing to provide some shade.

Not too far from here there is a farmer who is so strong that when his horse fell in a well, he dug up the whole thing and gently poured him out. He has a wife who is so clean that one day she scrubbed the kitchen floor too hard and went right through into the basement. It is their farm that is the problem. It is so muddy they have to jack up the cows to milk them.

There is also a family in this town that is so lazy it takes two of them to sneeze. One throws his head back. And another goes AH- CHOO! It also takes two of them to chop wood. One swings the ax. And another grunts.

There is a man not too far away who is so dirty that when he finally took a bath, he found some underwear he thought he had lost two years before.

There is also a man who is so forgetful that one night he put his cat to bed and put himself outside. He did not discover his mistake until a dog chased him and he found he could not climb a tree. Another time he put his best shirt to bed and sent himself to the laundry to be washed. But he didn't realize what he had done until they tried to iron him.

ALPHA v0.3