ALPHA v0.3

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Dictionary Of Everyday Words

Topic: g-rated

Dictionary of Everyday Words

ADVERTISING: The art of making you think you've longed all your life for something you never heard of before.

ALIMONY: The fee a woman charges for name dropping.

ARCHAEOLOGIST: A man whose career lies in ruins.

ASTRONOMER: A night watchman.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY: The life story of an automobile.

BAR CHART: A list of places to go when it's Miller time.

BACTERIA: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.

BABY-SITTER: Someone you pay to watch your television and eat your food.

BANK ROBBER: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

BARGAIN HUNTER: One who is often led astray by false profits.

BELONG: To take your time.

BIG BEN: Tock of the town.

BORE : A person who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

BOYCOTT: A bed for a young male person.

BRAT: A child who acts like your own but belongs to someone else.

BULLY: A person with more muscles and less brains than anyone else.

CABBAGE: The age of a taxi.

CACTUS: An overgrown pin cushion.

CATERPILLAR: An upholstered worm.

CHARITY: That generous impulse to give away something you have no use for.

CHEERIOS: Hula-hoops for ants. Doughnut seeds.

CHILDHOOD: That happy period when nightmares occur only during sleep. COMMITTEE: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

CONCEIT: A form of "I" strain.

CONCRETE: To swindle a resident of Crete.

COUNTERPART: Subassemblies or pieces of an article of kitchen furniture.

DEPTH: Height turned upside down.

DENIAL: A river in Egypt.

DEAD RINGER: A broken telephone.

DERANGE: A place where de cowboys ride.

DESK: A trash can with drawers.

DOGMATIC: A kind of revolver carried by police dogs.

DIET: Something to take the starch out of you.

DIPLOMACY: Saying, "nice doggy," while you're looking around for a rock.

EGOTISM: The art of seeing qualities in yourself which others can't see. : That which enables a man who is in a rut to think he's "in the groove."

EGOTIST: A conceited person who thinks he knows as much as you do. : A person who thinks if he hadn't been born, people would wonder why.

ENCRYPT: Where Egyptian kings are buried.

FERN: A plant that you're supposed to water once a day, but when you don't it dies; but if you do, it dies anyway, only not so soon.

FILING CABINET: A metal box where you can systematically lose things.

FLATTERY: The art of telling a person exactly what he thinks of himself.

FLIRTING: The gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.

FLOOD: A river too big for its bridges.

FOUNDER: What the police did to a lost female.

GIRDLE: An ingenious device invented to keep an unfortunate situation from spreading.

GRAVEN: A very serious `n'.

GRUESOME: What farmer Brown did to corn last year.

GRUESOME: A little taller than before.

HATCHET: What a hen does to an egg.

HIGHBROW: A person educated beyond their intelligence.

IMPASSABLE: A wet football.

INFORMATION: How the Blue Angels fly.

INSTABLE: Where horses sleep.

LAZINESS: The habit of resting before you get tired.

MODEM: What people of a particular ethnic group say when they want a second helping of black-eyed peas.

MOSQUITO: A flying hypodermic needle.

PARADOX: A brace of physicians.

PROPAGATE: To hold open a passage thru a fence, as with a stick.

RAISIN: A worried grape.

RESEARCH: When you look for something twice.

SILVER NITRATE: Rental fee for the Lone Ranger's horse after dark.

STAGNATION: Country without women.

TELEPHONY: To identify an imposter.

TENTACLES: A linebacker's dream for every game.

10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone

10**6 bicycles = 2 megacycles

500 millinaries = 1 seminary

2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

10 cards = 1 decacards

1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn

10**-6 fish = 1 microfiche

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

1 unit of suspense in a mystery novel = 1 whod unit

10**12 pins = 1 terrapin

10**-12 Boulevard = 1 Pico Boulevard (L.A.)

10**21 picolos = 1 gigolo

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 C-ration

10 millipedes = 1 centipede

3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent

5 holocausts = 1 Pentacost

10 monologues = 5 dialogues = 1 decalogue

2 monograms = 1 diagram

8 nickels = 2 paradigms

2 snake eyes = 1 paradise

2 wharves = 1 paradox

1 milli-Helen (of Troy) = amount of face that can launch one ship

Try to define these, have you ever heard of

auntie freeze?

bed spread?

book mark?

chocolate chip?

cross walk?

dog whistle?

fire box?

floppy drive?

gold rush?

golf bawl?

gum ball?

iron butterfly?

milk shake?

moth bawl?

phone change?

phone charge?

pillow fight?

pocket book?

pocket change?

potato chip?

rice bowl?

stick shift?

street sign?

toilet bowl?

ALPHA v0.3