ALPHA v0.3

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Hard Luck Story

Topic: g-rated

Hard Luck Story


Just received your super-heated letter in regards to the bill which I owe you. You said you thought the bill would have been paid long ago, and couldn't understand why it hadn't. Well, I will enlighten you.

In 1930 I bought a sawmill, an oxteam and a timber cart on credit. In 1932 a breech-loading shotgun, two mules, a $25 Colt revolver, and a wine tester. Also two fine razor-back hogs. All on that damn installment plan.

In 1934 my father died and my brother was lynched for stealing. A railroad man knocked up my daughter and I had to pay a doctor $600 to keep the little bastard from becoming a relative of mine.

In 1939 my oldest boy got the mumps and they went down on him. The doctor had to castrate him to save his life. Then one day when I was fishing the boat turned over and I lost the biggest mess of catfish you ever saw. Also two of my boys drowned, neither being the one that was castrated.

In 1943 my wife ran off with a heavy hung nigger and left me a pair of twins for a souvenir. Then I married the maid to keep down expenses, but found I had trouble getting her to come. I went to a doctor and he advised me to create some excitement about the time I thought she was ready, so one night I stuck the gun out the window and fired. My wife shit in the bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best milk cow I ever had.

In 1946 I was burned out and took to drinking. I didn't stop until all I had left was my Waterbury watch and kidney trouble. Then for awhile all I did was wind my watch and piss.

In 1950 I decided to try again, so I bought a manure spreader, a Deering binder and a thrashing machine; all on credit. Two weeks later a cyclone blew the whole works into the next county. My wife caught the clap from a traveling man and somebody nutted my best bull. Now if it cost a nickel to shit I couldn't even fart. Yet you say you can cause me trouble!

Trying to get money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot icepick, but you're welcome to try.

Yours for more credit,

ALPHA v0.3