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ALPHA v0.3

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Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


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Topic: music

Ten Easy Steps To Better Banjo Playing...
How Do You Get Two Piccolo Players To Play A Perfect Unison?...
What'S The Definition Of A Minor Second?...
What'S The Difference Between An Oboe And An Onion?...
What'S The Difference Between A Bassoon And A Trampoline?...
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?...
Why Do Clarinetists Leave Their Cases On The Dashboard?...
What Is Perfect Pitch?...
What'S The Definition Of A Nerd?...
What Do You Call A Bass Clarinetist With Half A Brain?...
What'S The Difference Between A Lawnmower And A Soprano Sax?...
How Many Alto Sax Players Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
If You Were Lost In The Woods Who Would You Trust For Directions...
How Do You Make A Chain Saw Sound Like A Baritone Sax?...
How Many Trumpet Players Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
How Do You Make A Trombone Sound Like A French Horn?...
What'S The Difference Between A Dead Trombonist In The Road And...
How Do You Improve The Aerodynamics Of A Trombonist'S Car?...
What Kind Of Calendar Does A Trombonist Use For His Gigs?...
What'S The Difference Between A Dead Snake In The Road And A...
What'S The Range Of A Tuba?...
What'S A Tuba For?...
What Do You Call Someone Who Hangs Around With Musicians?...
What Does A Timpanist Say When He Gets To His Gig?...
What Did The Timpanist Get On His Iq Test?...
How Many Drummers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
Hey Buddy How Late Does The Band Play?...
How Can You Tell When A Drummer Is At Your Door?...
How Do You Get A Rhythm Guitarist To Play Softer?...
What'S The Definition Of A Quarter Tone?...
How Long Does A Harp Stay In Tune?...
Why Are A Violinist Fingers Like Lighting?...
How Can You Tell If A Violin Is Out Of Tune?...
Why Is A Violinist Like A Scud Missile?...
What Do Violists Use For Birth Control?...
How Do You Make A Violin Sound Like A Viola?...
What'S The Difference Between A Violist And A Dog?...
How Do You Get A Violist To Play Downbow Staccato?...
Did You Hear About The Violist Who Bragged He Could Play 32Nd...
What'S The Best Recording Of The Walton Viola Concerto?...
Why Are Violins Smaller Than Violas?...
What'S The Difference Between A Cello And A Viola?...
What'S The Difference Between Violists And Terrorists?...
How Do You Make A Cello Sound Beautiful?...
How Do You Get A Cellist To Play Fortissimo?...
What'S The Difference Between A Cello And A Coffin?...
Why Are Orchestra Intermissions Limited To 20 Minutes?...
Why Did The String Bass Player Get Mad At The Timpanist?...
What'S The Difference Between A Soprano And A Porsche?...
How Do You Put A Sparkle In A Soprano'S Eye?...
How Does A Soprano Change A Light Bulb?...
How Can You Tell When A Soprano Is At Your Door?...
What'S The Difference Between A Soprano And The Plo?...
How Many Altos Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
If You Took All The Tenors In The World And Laid Them End To End...
Where Is A Tenor'S Resonance?...
What Do You Call Ten Baritones At The Bottom Of The Ocean?...
What'S The Definition Of A Male Quartet?...
What'S The Difference Between A Conductor And A Sack Of...
What'S The Definition Of An Optimist?...
Why Are Conductor'S Hearts So Coveted For Transplants?...
A Musician Calls The Symphony Office To Talk To The Conductor....
Why Do Bagpipers Walk When They Play?...
How Many Sound Men Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
What'S The Definition Of A Gentleman?...
What'S The Definition Of An Optimist?...
New Bumper Sticker Seen Use An Accordion--Go To Jail!...
There Was This Terrible Plane Crash And A Bunch Of People Died...
Three Men Die In A Plane Crash And Are Waiting To Enter Heaven...
How Many Banjo Players Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?...
How Can You Tell The Stage You'Re Playing On Is Level?...
What Is The Difference Between A Banjo And An Anchor?...
Why Do So Many Fishermen Own Banjos?...
Why Did The Boy Scout Take Up The Banjo?...
What Is The Difference Between A Banjo And A Chain Saw?...
What Is The Difference Between A Banjo And A South American...
What Is The Difference Between A Banjo And A Harley-Davidson...
What Is The Difference Between A Banjo And An Uzi Submachine...
Why Does Everyone Hate A Banjo Right Off?...
If You Practice Tune Make A Sound Check And Sit Down To Play...
Why Is The Banjo Player A Fiddle Player'S Best Friend?...
The Banjo Is Such A Happy Instrument. You Can'T Play A Sad Song...
How Can You Tell The Difference Between All The Banjo Songs?...
Then Again There'S Always The Blue-Grass Player'S Motto...
How Can You Tell If A Violin Is Out Of Tune?...
How Do You Make A Violin Sound Like A Viola?...
What Is The Difference Between A Violin And A Viola?...
Why Does A Viola Burn Longer Than A Violin?...
Which Is Smaller A Violin Or A Viola?...
How Do You Keep Your Violin From Getting Stolen?...
What Is The Difference Between A Violist And A Terrorist?...
The Composition Of A String Quartet...
Haven'T I Seen Your Face Before? A Judge Demanded Looking Down...
Why Is A Violinist Like A Scud Missile?...
Why Are Violins Smaller Than Violas?...
How Do You Get A Guitar Player To Play Softer?...
How Do You Make Him Stop Playing?...
What'S The Definition Of A Minor Second?...
What Do You Call Two Guitarists Playing In Unison?...
What Does A Guitarist Say When He Gets To His Gig?...
What Did The Guitar Say To The Guitarist?...
What Is The Difference Between A Guitarist And A Savings Bond?...
What Is The Difference Between A Guitar And A Tuna Fish?...
What Do You Get When You Drop A Piano Down A Mine Shaft?...
What Do You Get If You Run Over An Army Officer With A Steam...
What Do You Say To An Army Officer As You'Re About To Run Him...
What Do You Say After You Run An Army Officer Over With A Steam...
What Key Is Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight Written In?...
What Do You Get When An Army Officer Puts His Nose To The...
What Do You Get If You Enroll In A Liberal Arts Program And The...
What Do You Use To Tie Saplings To A Piano So The Saplings Won'T...
A Note Left For A Pianist From His Wife...
Someone Requested Victor Borge That He Play Something By Bach To...
A Violist Comes Home Late At Night To Discover Fire Trucks...
Did You Hear About The Plane Crash?...
How Can You Tell When There Is A Drummer At Your Front Door?...
How Do You Know If There Is A Percussionist At The Door?...
How Do You Know When A Drum Solo'S Really Bad?...
Why Do Drummers Have A Half Ounce More Brains Than Horses?...
What Do You Call Someone Who Hangs Around With Musicians?...
What Do You Call A Drummer Who Has Just Broken Up With His...
Hey Buddy How Late Does The Band Play?...
What Did The Drummer Get On His I.Q. Test?...
What'S The Difference Between A Violin And A Viola?...
What'S The Difference Between A Violin And A Fiddle?...
Why Are Viola Jokes So Short?...
How Do You Tell The Difference Between A Violinist And A Dog?...
How Many Second Violinists Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?...
What'S The Difference Between A Fiddle And A Violin?...
Why Do Violinists Put A Cloth Between Their Chin And Their...
Why Should You Never Try To Drive A Roof Nail With A Violin?...
Haven'T I Seen Your Face Before? A Judge Demanded Looking Down...
How Do You Make A Cello Sound Beautiful?...
Did You Hear About The Bassist Who Was So Out Of Tune His Rhythm...
A Double Bass Player Arrived A Few Minutes Late For The First...
Two Bass Players Were Engaged For A Run Of Carmen. After A...
How Long Does A Harp Stay In Tune?...
What'S The Definition Of A Quarter Tone?...
Why Is An 11-Foot Concert Grand Better Than A Studio Upright?...
Why Was The Piano Invented?...
The Audience At A Piano Recital Were Appalled When A Telephone...
Why Is A Bassoon Better Than An Oboe?...
What Is A Burning Oboe Good For?...
What Is The Definition Of A Half Step?...
What Is The Definition Of A Major Second?...
How Do You Get An Oboist To Play A Flat?...
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?...
What'S The Difference Between A Scud Missile And A Bad Oboist?...
What'S The Difference Between A Saxophone And A Lawn Mower?...
What'S The Difference Between A Baritone Saxophone And A Chain...
How Do You Know When A Trumpet Player Is At Your Door?...
Why Can'T A Gorilla Play Trumpet?...
What'S The Difference Between A Bass Trombone And A Chain Saw?...
How Can You Make A French Horn Sound Like A Trombone?...
How Do You Know When A Trombone Player Is At Your Door?...
What Is The Diffference Between A Dead Trombone Player Lying In...
How Do You Know When There'S A Trombonist At Your Door?...
How Do You Improve The Aerodynamics Of A Trombonist'S Car?...
How Can You Tell Which Kid On A Playground Is The Child Of A...
What Is The Dynamic Range Of The Bass Trombone?...
It Is Difficult To Trust Anyone Whose Instrument Changes Shape...
How Do You Get Your Viola Section To Sound Like The Horn...
What'S The Range Of A Tuba?...
How Do You Fix A Broken Tuba?...
These Two Tuba Players Walk Past A Bar......
Why Are Orchestra Intermissions Limited To 20 Minutes?...
Why Do Bands Have Bass Players?...
Did You Hear About The Time The Bass Player Locked His Keys In...
Heard Backstage Will The Musicians And The Drummer Please Come...
What'S The Difference Between A Wagnerian Soprano And The...
What Is The Difference Between A Soubrette And A Cobra?...
How Do You Tell If A Tenor Is Dead?...
How Do You Tell If A Bass Is Actually Dead?...
In The Last Act Of Don Giovanni There Is Always A Statue Which...
How Does A Young Man Become A Member Of A High School Chorus?...
Why Do High School Choruses Travel So Often?...
What'S The Definition Of An Optimist?...
What Is The Difference Between A High School Choral Director And...
What'S The Difference Between A Banjo And A Chain Saw?...
What'S The Least-Used Sentence In The English Language?...
What Do You Say To A Banjo Player In A Three-Piece Suit?...
What Do You Call Two Guitarists Playing In Unison?...
Minimum Safe Distances Between Street Musicians And The Public...
What Do You Get When You Play New Age Music Backwards?...
What Does It Say On A Blues Singer'S Tombstone?...
Know How To Make A Million Dollars Singing Jazz?...
Angus Was Asked Why There Were Drones On The Bagpipe When They...
Two Musicians Are Driving Down A Road. All Of A Sudden They...
A Jazz Musician Was Told By His Doctor Quoti Am Very Sorry To...
A Conductor And A Violist Are Standing In The Middle Of The Road...
Why Are Conductor'S Hearts So Coveted For Transplants?...
What Is The Ideal Weight For A Conductor?...
What'S The Difference Between God And A Conductor?...
What'S The Definition Of An Assistant Conductor?...
What Do Do With A Horn Player That Can'T Play?...
What Do You Do If He Can'T Do That?...
A Musician Calls The Symphony Office To Talk To The Conductor...
A Guy Walks Into A Pet Store Wanting A Parrot. The Store Clerk...
A Community Orchestra Was Plagued By Attendance Problems...
How Is Lightning Like A Violist'S Fingers?...
How Do You Keep Your Violin From Getting Stolen?...
What'S The Difference Between A Violin And A Viola?...
We All Know That A Viola Is Better Than A Violin Because It...
What'S The Difference Between A Viola And A Coffin?...
What Do You Do With A Dead Violist?...
Why Do Violists Stand For Long Periods Outside People'S Houses?...
What'S The Difference Between A Washing Machine And A Violist?...
How Can You Tell When A Violist Is Playing Out Of Tune?...
How Do You Get A Violin To Sound Like A Viola?...
What Do A Viola And A Lawsuit Have In Common?...
What Do A Scud Missile And A Viola Player Have In Common?...
What'S The Difference Between A Chain Saw And A Viola?...
Why Do People Tremble With Fear When Someone Comes Into A Bank...
What'S Another Name For Viola Auditions?...
What'S The Latest Crime Wave In New York City?...
A Violist In An Orchestra Was Crying And Screaming At The Oboe...
A Violinist Noticed At The End Of Each Rehearsal Break One Of...
An American Orchestra Had Just Arrived In Europe For A Two-Week...
A Group Of Terrorists Hijacked A Plane Full Of Violists. They...
A Musician From The Chicago Symphony One Day Ran Across An Old...
A Man (Call Him Horace) Went On A Safari In Darkest Africa With...

ALPHA v0.3